Attribute Alphabet

At night I used to go into Laura's room to say good night, tuck her in, and do the attribute alphabet. What is the attribute alphabet? It is my attempt to counteract all the crummy, rotten, negative things that far too many of us say to ourselves. Sometimes I think we are our own worst enemies.

So I would spend a few minutes at bed time with Laura working through the alphabet, stating a positive attribute to describe her for each letter. "A is for amazing, B is for beautiful, C is for courageous, D is for dazzling," and so on. Of course, I always had to cheat a little when I reached X ("X is for an X-tra special daughter"). And it was a challenge to come up with as many attributes as possible so I didn't repeat the same words each night.

The close, after the letter Z ("Z is for zestful"), was always the same ... "And you can do anything in the world you set your mind to do."

For a long time, this was a nightly routine with Laura. At times, I think it made Laura feel just a little bit better and took the edge from a difficult day. I miss that tradition with Laura. But I still think of the many positive attributes that characterized her.

Standing Tall

Laura was "vertically challenged" and I think this always bothered her. She did NOT enjoy being the shortest child in the family, though she could always find something humorous to say about it. I believe Laura wanted to "stand tall" among her friends and family.

I tried to point out to Laura some advantages of her diminuitive stature (like the availability and price of clothing), but she could always counter with a downside (like having her view of the screen blocked by a taller person at the theater). When Laura got her driver's license, the car we had at the time did not have a seat that would adjust higher or lower. Because the seat sat fairly low to the floor, Laura suffered the indignity of needing to sit on a pillow to see over the dash!

I'm a firm believer that good things often come in small packages. As I often told Laura when she would express concern about being short, "In this family we measure height only from the eyebrows up." Laura, of course, was VERY intelligent and this was my way of complimenting her and reminding her of what really matters. And when I would utter this Poopa-ism I could usually coax a smile from Laura.

How does one stand tall? By impacting the lives of others for good. In this regard, I think I have some work to do to catch up with Laura.

Laura's influence

Something I have enjoyed greatly is hearing from people who have related to me how Laura influenced their lives in some way. Recently a father told me of an incident where one of his children, who is afflicted with a variety of serious physical and mental health issues, came very close to suicide but ultimately decided against this course of action. The reason? This child had heard the father and mother discussing Laura's death and realized the impact a decision to die would have on the parents. As I spoke to the father, he told me that our experience with Laura had likely saved his child's life.

I am grateful that Laura's influence extends beyond the bounds of our immediate family. Who knows how many others have been touched by Laura in some way?

While there will always be a hole in my life and heart, I am glad that others have been blessed by Laura's life ... and death.

Wonderful Stories

In December we traveled to Utah for Christmas vacation. While there we held a memorial service for Laura so that family members and Laura's friends who were unable to come to Iowa would have a chance to gather together to remember her. The tone of this meeting was not somber as in Iowa, but was more "food and fun" with wonderful stories about Laura shared.

Through word of mouth, several of Laura's friends and former roommates were in attendance. Some I had met previously, while others I did not know. And although I had not contacted them about this service, several of my high school friends surprised me when they came. How wonderful it was to see them again (some I had not seen for many, many years) and to experience their love and support.

As I understand it, the stories were recorded by the Higginsons (my daughter Lisa's in-laws). I certainly hope that is true because I really enjoyed the stories that were shared and could not do them justice by trying to summarize them here. I will assume a recording exists and that I can get a copy at some point in time.

I also hope that the stories about Laura are eventually included on this blog. Obviously there were experiences Laura had with others that she did not share with me!

My thanks to all those who helped organize this meeting and to those who attended and participated. I thank God that I have good memories of Laura to sustain me as I try to cope with her loss.