I miss you, Laur. Sometimes I get so mad when I think of you and what happened that I can hardly stand it, but then I remind myself that you must have thought there was no other way. It doesn't stop hurting, but then I'll remember something great, like calling you the night Dustin first told me he loved me and we screamed together on the phone. I wish I could talk to you about how scared I am to have another baby. We really drifted those last few months, didn't we? I missed you but I was angry, too. I think you must have felt the same way.

You really did a number on us, leaving the way you did. Sometimes it still doesn't seem real. I just miss you a lot. I want to tell you how much I love you, I hope you already know. I hope you're able to look in on us every once in a while. You're probably busy, but I think you'd get a kick out of Silas. He's a brat and you'd love him. Sometimes he gets this mischeivious grin on his face that completely reminds me of you.

I really love you, Tohrkey.

~Snotface

One year later

Laura, you left a hole in my heart that does not heal. I am surrounded with reminders of you, many pleasant and a few painful. As we sort through our flooded belongings I continue to find some of your things that I had forgotten or sometimes didn't know about. Each triggers a memory and, occasionally, a smile.

As recently as this week I had correspondence with some of your friends and former roommates, who I believe love and miss you nearly as much as I do. How I wish you could have realized the many ways in which you touched and influenced the lives of others.

Your Utah siblings met tonight for a dinner in your honor. They called us from the restaurant so we could be connected for a few minutes. Some people sent flowers to Mom and me today, others called, and some close friends visited ... all thinking of us and remembering you.

Mom and I bought chocolate to celebrate your biggest vice. I got the real stuff, the dark chocolate you liked so much. I ate some and placed the remainder next to your urn. If it turns up missing I'll know you figured out a way to make it disappear.

Love,
Poopa